Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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