My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
