Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
