there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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