besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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