hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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