Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
