So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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