is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
