Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
