I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
