1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
