I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
