I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
