Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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