I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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