He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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