I wish I could teleport
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
