I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
