The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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