Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
