if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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