I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
