be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
