The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
