i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
