I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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