Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
