haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
someone get that fucking seahorse.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
