lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
