hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We need a shit load of segways right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
