I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we're making bets on your personal life
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
