Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i came on her dog
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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