i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
