You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
