nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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