I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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