Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
