too bad you live with your parents still
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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