i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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