last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
