you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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