Your tits are I can't wait for
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
