I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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