you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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