i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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