I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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