The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
