i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
