I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
