You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
