if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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