He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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