just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just had sex bonerless
it's not cheating when I paid for it
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
