I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have feelings that need drinking.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Randomize
