I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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