You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
