She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
