At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
