remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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