We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
