just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
