She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
