He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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