So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
