I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
