The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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