it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
