Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUCK WHALES
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