I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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