theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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