he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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