Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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