Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
