He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
