How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
you made out with another girl for some wings
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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